what is a cyclist?

ok we've got a lot of bicycles in our neighbourhood with bike lanes on davenport, christie, and soon to come on shaw. so here's a guide to the various kinds of cyclist stereotypes in the foothills and toronto at large.

convenience riders. yes i made that up. this is the largest group. they hate driving in traffic and don't want to pay for parking. or gas. they don't want to wait for a ttc bus that will never arrive. they just want to get to and from work without stressing out too much. they have a car, they know the rules of the road, they follow them for the most part.

• convenience rider subgroup a: doesn't really consider a bicycle to be a vehicle, so whatever. includes that twentysomething who just wants to look like a cute hipster in a magazine spread, and people like my neighbour who only ever rides his bicycle to take his dog to the park a half block on the way. he rides on the sidewalk, so? why do you care? he doesn't care.
• convenience rider subgroup b: students. they sleep in too late to walk to class, and they can't afford other methods of transportation. they aren't really awake yet (doesn't matter the time of day) and being on the young side, aren't fully aware that other people are separate beings with their own lives and places to go, as opposed to just random obstacles placed in their way by a game designer. not malicious, just clueless.
• convenience rider subgroup c: really only has a bicycle because they can't afford another mode of transportation or want to stay incognito/unlicensed, and doesn't care about anything either way. includes some sketchy types who are probably dealing weed, and people with milk crates who look in your recycling bin for beer bottles.
• convenience rider subgroup d: e-bike riders. really a mashup of a and c. don't consider their bike to be a vehicle. don't know any of the rules of the road, especially the one that says you're not allowed to use your e-bike in a bike lane unless you are pedalling. like subgroup c, they would totally be driving a car if they could afford it and/or didn't need a valid drivers' license with their real name on it.
• convenience rider subgroup e: tourist and bixi riders. they don't know where they're going! they don't know what the rules are! they will stand in the middle of the road and ask you where the cn tower is. we're supposed to put up with them because "it's good for the economy."

convenience riders - the largest group - are not in any way politicized. they just want to be left alone to get where they are going without being killed.

"cyclists." this is a minority group, sorry. these are people who say, "hi i'm a cyclist," or join cycling things, or put "bike" in their email handle.

• "cyclists" subgroup a: is a nervous nelly who gets super uptight about rules and thinks that the only way to earn the respect of drivers is to follow all rules to the letter, stepping off and walking if they need to cross in a pedestrian crosswalk, signalling lane changes, and stopping dead at every stop sign, even when turning right. they feel they are setting a good example, one you should follow. this is a verrry small minority.
• "cyclists" subgroup b: the activist. gets very us-vs-them-ish. they have banners on their bike that say "one less car" or making snide comments about how car drivers hate traffic but they "are" traffic, blithely forgetting that cyclists (and pedestrians for that matter) are also traffic. they can get pretty self-righteous about everything.
• "cyclists" subgroup c: are the enviro-types who like to make a big deal about how they are saving the earth and you are not. maybe they are an entrepreneur who runs an organic cloth diaper service with a cargo bike. something like that.
• "cyclists" subgroup d: fitness freaks. they've got the gear, the carbon-fibre frame, the lycra, they probably drove their bike to wherever it is that they are riding. these guys can be pretty obnoxious and self-righteous because they are so damn healthy. well good for you, bud. yeah maybe i'd be less crabby if i was as "active" as you are, but maybe i don't care.

it's mainly "cyclists" who get political about stuff. except for the fitness freak types.

finally:

couriers. these are really another subgroup of "cyclists," but they are so far to the extreme they deserve their own category. these are the crazy ones, the ones everyone loves to hate. they have a chip on their shoulder about their "rights," and think their "rights" trump everyone else's. they don't have much respect for other bike riders either, because they get in the way. they're a bit mad max. they say dumb things like "when i'm riding on the sidewalk, i plan for where pedestrians and adjust my speed/route accordingly. it's only when they react weirdly that there's a problem." which is another way of saying, "i like to think i am psychic, but i fail constantly." 

these are the ones rosie di manno wants to shoot.

fortunately, they are also a tiny minority, only existing downtown for the most part. stay away from downtown and you will never see them. i don't think i have ever seen a bike courier on davenport.